Saturday 23 July 2016

My 4 stages of confusion about Pokemon Go

Confusion Stage 1: What is Pokemon Go?

At this stage I was blissfully unaware of what Pokemon Go was. I had never played a pokemon game before and didn't understand what it was about, other than the fact that you have to catch them all. It sounded to me like an electronic version of a Panini football sticker book.

Adam was telling me about it a couple of weeks ago when he had managed to get the app via some super secret l337 haxxor method. Or something. He was extremely excited and giving me loads of information about what goes on. So I had some sort of understanding after this, but I was still really confused.

Adam's excitement about the matter persuaded me to download it. I wanted to be doing what all the cool kids do. This progressed me onto stage 2 of the process.

Confusion Stage 2: I don't understand Pokemon Go.

It was quite cute. I liked the fact that the warning when you load up the game is is "Don't walk into a Giant Monster's Mouth." It amused me enough to give the game a few goes. I didn't understand what was going on really and forgot that I had the app.

As a few more days passed and the app was all over the news and I spoke to more cool kids who were playing it, I started giving it a few more goes. I still didn't understand it but I carried on playing every so often for a few minutes on the walk to the supermarket.

Confusion Stage 3: Why am I addicted to Pokemon Go?

I have just been for a lovely 3 km walk. Unlike running, I do really enjoy walking. I find it a pleasant form of exercise, in which I can take in the lovely surroundings and learn about where I am. I really like reading the signs which tell you about local history, checking out the architecture, enjoying the seaside.

I popped into the library and borrowed a couple of books, discovered that they have a town history museum in there, learnt about my town, got a bit of sunshine and had a really nice time.

I would not have gone for this walk if I hadn't somehow become addicted to Pokemon Go. My route was basically dictated by where PokeStops are located in my town (5 within a minute's walk of my house - one of the many benefits to living in the town centre).

Transferring between stage 2 and stage 3 was when my understanding of the game clicked and I knew exactly what was going on. I don't know how this happened but it did.

What I can't understand though, is why I am addicted to it. All I am doing is walking and pushing a button on my phone every so often. I don't know why I want to do this but I want to. It's a really weird state to be in. Even after reading this article on the Forbes website, I am no closer to understanding.

Confusion Stage 4: Why is there a dying fish?


The Pokemon all seem to be based loosely on real life animals. This sort of makes sense. It allows kids to have an understanding of what the monsters are.

I was really freaked out by one that I caught last night, though.

Magikarp.

A fish.

Flapping around.

Out of water.

Dying.

Why does this exist?

So freaked out.

Wednesday 13 July 2016

Pirates and Pirates and Pirates

It was Layla's birthday this week, which reminded me of something I've been meaning to write about for ages.

Pirates and Pirates and Pirates
supported by Hattie Hatstar
Once upon a time, in a field not too far away... Merton Farm in Canterbury, to be precise. At Lounge on the Farm. In the year two thousand and ten. The greatest band ever were formed!

We were at the festival for what I think was the second of the three years I went for, and Lynsey had started running a Quarterhouse Stage. Unfortunately they had a couple of performers drop out and were looking for replacements.

Stefan, probably fuelled by a beer or two at the time, suggested to her that he and I - who had never played music together previously - could fill a slot on the bill.

Me, probably fuelled by a beer or two at the time, went along with this and suggested that it would be a really great idea.

Lynsey, probably fuelled by whatever her choice of beverage is, was somehow convinced that we would actually be able to put on a performance and gave us a slow on Sunday afternoon, giving us a day and a half to get our shizzle together.

The first thing any band needs is a name. Then you know what sort of band you've got. There was a band playing at the festival called Cats and Cats and Cats. I had seen them earlier and thought they were quite good. Afterwards, I had nodded at one member of the band assuming that they were someone that I knew. They looked at me weirdly. I then realised that I knew who they were but that had no clue who I was.

Someone, I think James most likely, was telling me a story about how they had almost called themselves Parrots and Parrots and Parrots. "Pirates and Pirates and Pirates?" says I. "That's an awesome name, let's take it." So we did.

We managed to borrow an acoustic guitar. Neither Stefan nor I can sing. He told me I had to as the guitar was right handed, and with me being left handed, this was the logical way to arrange the band. I had never been encouraged to sing in a band before. Mainly because people I've been in bands with have heard me sing.

This gave us Saturday to write songs. We had to borrow Dan Light's diary so I could write lyrics down, and we sat around the campfire mainly writing songs about things that had happened to us over the course of the festival.

We wrote a song called No Cash Back about how the bars on site weren't giving any cash back so James had to walk into town to get to a cash machine. We wrote another called Hobo Joe about a guy called Joe who Dan Light found sleeping in his tent one evening.  There was The Ballad of Dan Light about Dan Light graffiti which had been appearing mysteriously on site and which we had absolutely nothing to do with.

On Sunday morning, it was Layla's birthday. This is why I remembered that it was the 6th anniversary of the formation of the band when it was her birthday. Mainly because we then wrote a song about her birthday called Layla's Birthday. It lasts 10 seconds and has the lyrics "Layla, it's your birthday, but we're not celebrating."

For her birthday, Sophie had bought Layla a toy xylophone. This meant that she instantly made it into the band. Ben wanted to be in the band, and we wanted him to be in the band because he could actually sing. So he got in too. I seem to recall we also bought some sort of whistle from the Siesta tent for him to play as well. The drummer from Stefan's actual band was at the festival. Stefan grabbed him, some saucepans and wooden spoons and he became our drummer.

We rehearsed briefly as a full band and then at 4.30pm we were unleashed upon the unsuspecting world. We had been spreading the word a bit, and as it's quite a small festival we actually managed to get maybe 30 or 40 people we knew come along to watch us which I was extremely impressed with, especially as we had been talking down the band all weekend.

When we finished playing Hobo Joe, we discovered that Joe was actually a friend of a friend who had come along to watch us and that he was actually quite embarrassed by what had happened.

During the Ballad of Dan Light, Dan himself held up big bits of card which he had taped on True and False, to coincide with whether the statements about him were true of false. Attempting to "sing" the lyrics to the song whilst he was doing so is one of the funniest and most enjoyable memories that I've got.

We finished with a song called Thank You Lynsey thanking her for letting us play her stage. We added in information about things about her that Sophie had informed us about so we could embarrass her slightly, before legging it from the stage.

A few months later, Stefan came over to my house and we attempted to record the songs. There is a link below, but they are not as good as the originals, especially as they are lacking several instruments and I attempted the drums by filling a container with coins which really doesn't work.

 Although the band never officially split up, they have been on an indefinite hiatus. Perhaps there will be a reunion one day. Judging from how many times my old band have had reunions, nothing can be ruled out.


The band:
Stewart Cork - "singing"
Stefan Birkett - guitar
Ben Bailes - vocals, whistle and pretend trumpet
Layla Silbert - toy xylophone
Tom the Drummer - pots and pans

Songs from Dan Light's Diary:
1 No Cash Back
2 Ballad of Dan Light
3 Hobo Joe
4 Piracy Funds Terrorism
5 Hotter Than The Med
6 Nice Guys Finish Last
7 Layla's Birthday
8 Thank You Lyndsey

A version of these songs can be heard at https://soundcloud.com/pirates-2/sets/songs-from-dan-lights-diary